PUNCH’S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

Monday. Lord Brougham, always true to his humane instincts, brought before the Lords the case of the young children employed in Bleach Works. It is a cruel one. Infants of seven and eight years old are at work for eighteen hours, and are sometimes four nights without sleep. The brutalities by which the poor little children are kept sufficiently awake for the purposes of their task-masters are shocking. Years ago, when the cruelties of the climbing-boy trade were exposed in the Lords, a noble lord told a good story, made their lordships laugh, and by getting the Bill thrown over for a year, left a new batch of children to the mercies of the Sweep. There was nothing of this kind to-night, and Lord Granville promised information. He will be good enough to remember that Lord Brougham has tendered information, which proves that our friend Mammon is, as usual, doing the work of Moloch.

Three Hundred Aylesbury women petitioned against the Wife’s Sister’s Marriage Bill, and Four Hundred and Fifty-Eight other Aylesbury Women petitioned in favour of it. The question seems to interest the Vale.

The Lion-hearted King is to be set up in Trafalgar Square as soon as a pedestal can be got ready, but nobody could say when the Lions will be put up. However, all in good time; Richard died some years before Horatio, and in a few centuries it will doubtless come to the latter’s turn to be served.

The Commons got upon the Budget, and the Wine was passed. Some of the Members made wry faces. Mr. Milnes kindly trying to give what may be called a “backhander” to those who have already bottles in their hands, failed in his generous endeavour for the Vinum generosum. There was a great dispute as to how wine was to be tested, and the only wonder was, that Mr. Newdegate did not take the opportunity of pleasing Exeter Hall by moving, that for the purpose of testing the Body in wine, we should restore the Test and Corporation Acts.

Tuesday. Lord Clanricarde thinks the Irish Police much too handsome and soldierly to be good Constables. This is matter of opinion. But when his Lordship tried to strengthen his case by stating that crime had increased in Ireland, it was civilly explained to him by the Duke of Somerset that he was stating what was ridiculously untrue, as the Irish were breaking themselves very rapidly and meritoriously of the habit of murder, and were contenting themselves with assaults, batteries, and other milder amusements.

Mr. Pope Hennessy, M.P., who had been ordered to serve on a Railway Committee, bolted to Ireland, at the orders of the Priests, to assist in the opposition to the election of the new Irish Attorney-General, in every respect an excellent Catholic gentleman, but who is hateful to the Ultramontanists, because he belongs to a Cabinet that is hateful to the Pope. So the Priests of Cork county set up a helpless Lord called Campden, and have been working like mad to get him in. Mr. Hennessy was commanded off to help, and what could he do? His absence from the Railway Committee cost “the parties” £400; but what of that, when Father O’Horsewhip is bellowing for a spachemaker? We are sorry for the parties, but not that the Priests’ Tool System should be exposed. This is a natural place to note that the Papists were extraordinarily well thrashed by the Catholics, aided by the Protestants, and that Mr. Deasy beat the silly Lord by a very large majority. Archbishop Whateley sends Mr. Punch this:-

“We know nought of Pope Hennessy’s
Birthplace, or Genesis,
But awfully vexed at us
Pope made his Exodus.”

Sir Robert Peel has been making desperate efforts to efface the memory of his mountebank speech against the Volunteers, and has been holding forth two or three times about Savoy, a place of which it is barely possible he may know something, as he was our chargé in Switzerland for four years. To-night he made one of these speeches, in support of Mr. Kinglake, and in protest against the views of Louis Napoleon. Lord John made a mystifying find of answer, knowing quite well that in forty-eight hours the Emperor was going to declare in his Speech to the Chambers that he meant to have the Slope of the Alps.

More Budget. A fight over Apples, and then over Corks, but Mr. Gladstone vanquished. Mr. Bentinck put himself in a rage about the Treaty with France, and also declared that “the Sword was the only thing that would cut the Gordian Knot.” He is entirely misinformed, and we are authorised to state, that if he will apply to Mr. Richard Bentley, the honourable Member will learn that the Paper-knife will answer the purpose much better.

Wednesday. A debate on a meritorious but defective Bill for establishing Councils of Conciliation for setting disputes between Employer and Employed. It was referred to a Committee.

Thursday. The First day of March. Westminster New Bridge was, for the first time, one half opened, in honour of the event of the evening, the Reform Bill. Precisely at five minutes before five, Lord John Russell advanced to the table, was cheered, and sang as follows:-

THE NICE LITTLE BILL.

Mr. Denison, Sir, I’m obleeged by those cheers,
And I beg that the House will accord me its ears,
While I try to set out to the best of my skill,
The Reforms I propose by my Nice Little Bill.

A new constitution’s not what I design,
I consider the old one remarkably fine,
Nor could I its place advantageously fill
By aught I might give in my Nice Little Bill.

I do not admit that a failure I view,
In the Bill which I passed in the year XXXII
Au contraire, ’tis because it succeeded, I will
Amend its few faults by my Nice Little Bill.

That the Nation is rich and is happy, are facts-
No need in these days for Lord Castlereagh’s Acts:
We’re conservative, loyal, progressive, and nil
Is wanted on earth by my Nice Little Bill.

Well, now for the franchise – some folks say francheeze,-
And first to the Counties we’ll go, if you please:
All pledges to them I intend to fulfil
By a £10 francheeze, in my Nice Little Bill.

Occupation shall give it, – but then understand,
Though we don’t value dwellings when coupled with land,
On houses not dwellings – for instance, a mill-
There;s demanded £5 by my Nice Little Bill.

I’d interpolate here a legitimate word:
I hold that the doctrine’s immensely absurd,
That because agitation is absent, ’tis ill
To concede the Reforms of my Nice Little Bill.

I propose, my dear Sir, to repudiate, quite,
Each franchise termed “fancy” (your joke, Mr. Bright);
No doubt they have recommendations, but still
I shall leave them all out of my Nice Little Bill.

For votes in the boroughs, I mean, Sir, to fix
The pounds in the rent at the figure of 6;
Thus two hundred thousand one twist of my quill
To the Register adds, by my Nice Little Bill.

That addition increases one-third, or about,
The roll of Electors at present drawn out;
I trust I don’t odder too bitter a pill
To Conservative friends by my Nice Little Bill.

As regards, Sir, the Working Class, surely the best
Will be put on the list by the rate I suggest,
And I think they’ve a right to remonstrate, until
They’re admitted to vote by my Nice Little Bill.

Then, as for disfranchisements, so much, you know,
Was done by my Bill twenty-nine years ago,
That there’s no extinct borough, mound, ruin, or hill,
To be scheduled in A, by my Nice Little Bill.

But we must preserve Boroughs – I think with you, Ben,
Small places are famed for electing great men;
Look a Burke, and Macaulay, I’m blessed if I’ll kill
One nice little burgh by my Nice Little Bill.

Besides, if I tried it, they’d kick up a row,
And parties are balanced so nicely just now,
That a junction of Tories and grumblers would spill
The Palmerston drag, and my Nice Little Bill.

But for less than 7000 inhabitants, two
Representatives can’t have sufficient to do,
So we’ll take away one, where there are not sept mille
In the census return, by my Nice Little Bill.

Sing Marlborough, Thetford, and Harwich so base,
Sing Totness, and Honiton, famous for lace;
Sing Evesham, Wells, Tewkesbury (there don’t they swill?)
All lose an M.P. By my Nice Little Bill.

So Lymington, Leominster, and Ludlow I sell,
And Knaresborough, known by its strange Dropping Well -
And Andover, Maldon, And Richmond so chill,
(Not the one where I live) by my Nice Little Bill.

And so fares Devizes, Sir, where, by the bye,
Old women fall dead when they utter a lie,
And Cirencester, Ripon, and Bodmin we’ll grill
On the same pan of coals, by my Nice Little Bill.

With Hertford and Huntingdon (bold Robin Hood),
And Marlow, where fishing’s uncommonly good,
And Dorchester, Chippenham, and Guildford must drill
In the corps I create by my Nice Little Bill.

Here are Twenty-Five seats, you perceive I have got:
Fifteen to big Counties I mean to allot,
And on cities that spread like great turbots or brill,
Four seats I confer by my Nice Little Bill.

Then Birkenhead, Staleybridge, Burnley, I nameL
One Member each place may undoubtedly claim;
Let Chelsea-cum-Kensington stick out its frill,
I bestow on it Two, by my Nice Little Bill.

Both Oxford and Cambridge will cheer what I do
In giving one seat to our own London U.
They are fountains of learning, but Gower Street’s a rill
Should be honoured, and shall, by my Nice Little Bill.

That’s all, Mr. Denison – no, I should say
The Poor-Rate, alone, every voter must pay;
No need for the taxes to open his till,
Before giving his vote by my Nice Little Bill.

My measure is simple, but hear my belief;
A plan more ornate might come headlong to grief-
So fell Master Jacky, preceding Miss Jill,
I want no such fate for my Nice Little Bill.

The words of Mercury were not particularly harsh after the song of Apollo, but Viscount Williams, – calling attention to the fact that the Metropolitan constituencies returned such first class men, such wonders of the world, as himself, Cox, late of Finsbury, and others, – complained grievously that more Members were not given to the Metropolis, that there might be a few more such shining lights stuck in the political firmament, Mr. TOM Duncombe, of course, said a smart thing or two against the Bill; and the House, with a unanimous yawn, said, “O, law, yes, bring it in if you like.” Irish and Scotch Reform Bills were then brought in – they are very much like the English one, but the only point on which Mr. Punch cares to praise either, is a clause in the Hibernian Act, for allowing Irish Peers to represent Irish constituencies. It is an English grievance that Lord Galway, Lord Fermoy, and Lord Palmerston, are considered good enough to be English Members, but cannot be elected for places in the province. Besides, the opening the Irish hustings to these peers may induce the occasional selection of men of a better class than the Pope’s Brass Band.

Friday. To-day, of course, Lord John Russell had to refer to the Emperor’s speech, and to express his own opinion that there was really a good deal to be said for the proposed Annexation, but that he had no doubt that Electus would do everything in an orderly and diplomatic manner. Mr. Bright came out with a declaration that Savoy wished to be annexed to France, because the value of Savoyard land and produce would be immensely increased; and he hinted that if English territorial landed proprietors had a similar chance, he would not give much for their loyalty to their Queen. This not unnaturally brought up Lord John Manners, in a rage, and he protested on behalf of the Dukery that English noblemen and gentlemen had no such mean notions.

More Budget. Sir Joseph Paxton contended, with much vigour and ability, for the claims of the Silkmakers, but the Juggernaut Car went over their necks.

The nation will be permitted by Lord Palmerston to do something for the gallant Sir L.M’Clintock, and the noble fellows who went with him to the Sea of Ice. Finally, the world will be excited to hear that three Election Committees arrived this week at decisions. This was the report:-

“Young Lawson, and Sir James R. Oraham,
Voters you had, but did not pay’em:
Your conduct too is quite the Stilton,
Good Mr. Brooks, and Grey de Wilton:
And you contrive to save your bacon,
Sirs Henry Stracey and E. Lacon.”

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