PROPOSAL FOR A NEW TAX.
“The Albany, March 6.
“Mr. Punch,
“I am a bachelor, and I mean to remain one. I have not a very good temper, and Sir C. Cresswell has enough to do without being troubled by any case that might arise out of some woman’s imperfectly appreciating the duty she owed to my delicate mental organisation.
“But I see what goes on in the married world, and I see also that the Chancellor of the Exchequer wants money.
“Why does he not lay a tax upon Babies?
“I am perfectly convinced that this tax would take a pride in paying it themselves, and charge themselves with obtaining the money by a very slight increase in their fraudulent operations on the house-keeping bills.
“Say one pound per annum per baby. This would be less than sixpence a week, and a woman of the most ordinary peculative powers would smile at the idea of not being able to raise it.
“In 1856, I regret to state that 657,453 babies were born in England only; and the same sort of thing goes on, but at an increase of fourteen per cent. Say that there are 700,000 babies ready for the incidence of the tax. Why, Sir, here is at once compensation for the Paper Duty.
“I think it is a financier’s business, or at all events it is expedient, to make the tax as agreeable as possible. I would propose – you know what women, especially mothers, are – to strike a tiny silver coin, of no value, but bearing a playful inscription, to be given to the child by the Collectors, as a receipt for the Tax. Mothers would be proud to put a bit of blue or red ribbon through it, and tie it round the ridiculous layer of fat called a baby’s neck. It would be a certificate of the respectability of the parents. An Uncertificated Baby should be treated as an Uncertificated Bankrupt.
“Baby should pay the tax for one year only. If a new baby came to town before the expiration of that year, I would, I think, allow a dawback.
“I also suggest that something might be done in the Licensing way. I myself hate to see single girls carrying about babies, and being fond of them. But if this foolish amusement is to be permitted, why not make it profitable to the State? As a licence was necessary to a man before he might carry a gun, make it necessary to a girl before she may carry a baby. At five shillings a year you would collect a great deal out of the baby-fancying girls of England.
“The Baby-Tax would not fall, as too many imposts do, unjustly on the poor, because the poor have no right to have any children at all. Indeed I am not certain that anybody has that right, but here you may not concur with me, and I am not anxious for discussion, for the reason hinted at in my first paragraph.
“I am, Sir, your Obedient Servant,
“Herod Antipater.”
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