THE RIGHTS O’MAN.
(A Southern Version of them, in black and white.)
In the Rights o’Man I du believe, with Washington and Jefferson;
But from them ondying patriots a pint or two I deffers on:
In their noble declaration they oughter set out fuller,
That black and white stands oppersite, in rights as well as colour.
They’d no pesky abolitionists, a hatchin’ revolootions
To upset our Southern chivalry’s domestic institootions;
If they’d a’ know’d such varmint as in Greely’s Tribune figgers,
They’d a’had two declarations – one for whites, and one for niggers.
To supply this ‘ere omission is what I du propose to,
And this ‘ere’s the sum and substance, pretty much, o’what I goes tu;
White rights is all whites likes to take; and as for blacks – (I’m sick o’ them)-
Waal, I guess their rights, is jest what’s left, when the whites has had their pick o’them.
Or stoopin’ to periclars (though it’s what I kinder scorn tu)
I conclude that chains and cowhides both whites and blacks was born tu.
With this slight difference, that whites was for their active use meant,
Blacks, for suff’rin on ‘em passive, for white profit or amusement.
The corner-stone of all white rights,- and there ain’t nowheres a bigger-
Is the innate right is whether the right’s bounded to his private one,
And all I doubts is whether the right’s bounded to his private one,
And don’t reach to niggers gin’rally, whene’er you can let drive at one.
In course I hold there’s dooties that correspond to rights, Sir,
(The first belongs to niggers, and the second all to whites, Sir:)
So, if the white exerts his right to cowhide, and don’t spare it,
The correlative black dooty is fur to grin and bear it.
The white man’s right to freedom’s wide as universal natur;
But beyond the Mason-Dixon line the black’s ain’t wuth a tatur,
In fact, I rayther calkilate, that this side of it, either,
If nat’ral justice had its way, ‘t aint wuth a tatur, neither.
The white he has a heaven-born right to make the black his chattel,
And chattels can’t be citizens (see Puffendorf and Vattel):
But in our magnamity the exclusion we relaxes,
And gives blacks the right o’citizens, as fur as payin taxes.
This makes the critters sarcy, till from inch to ell extendin,
On the priv’lege of tax-paying they would hook that of tax-spendin:
And the next thing ‘ll be askin place on the electral rolls, Sir,
Till at last I shouldn’t wonder if they set up claims to souls, Sir.
By way o’ mild corrective to such doctrines underminin,
This declaration I submit for grin’ral nigger signin;
With gradooated punichments for those who fail or falter-
To begin with tar and feathers, and to wind up with a halter.
“I, Blank- a nigger born and bred – hereby make declaration,
I havn’t no rights to nuthin – name, church, vote, home, nor nation;
For the blessins of my slavish state I’m grateful to my master,
Who feeds and clothes and flogs me fust, and then pays for the plaster.
“Should I be so onlucky as fur to sink to freedom,
And be druv to cast my chains aside, however much I need ‘em,
I declare I won’t stay in this state, to cut that frightful figger,
That it stands to reason must be cut, by a mis’rable free nigger.
“For New-England or the Canadies I straightway will absquatulate,
That on one free nigger more them States themselves they may congratulate;
So to pay for their free-nergoism the abolition varmint,
Who blacked up old Osawatomie, and said there warn’t no harm in ‘t.
“If cotched at liberty, myself illused I du consider
If I ain’t took up and sold tight out unto the highest bidder:
And cheerfully I will go back to chains, cowhide, and collar,
So help me Gin’ral Washigton, and ‘The Almighty Dollar!’”
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