PUNCH’S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
he Chancellor (Monday, January 30) introduced some Bills for consolidating and assimilating (nice long words, are they not?) the criminal lay of England and Ireland. It is characteristic of lawyers that they must actually make some bills, instead of one, even for the act of consolidation. The omen is not propitious. The only point Lord Campbell explained was, that, by one of these bills, conspiracy to murder in Ireland is to be made a lighter offence than at present, which alteration seems hardly necessary, considering that a shot from behind a hedge at an unarmed man is already regarded as a legitimate overture for a re-adjustment of terms with a landlord. The Bishop of London referred to the means by which it is sought to restore the purity of Protestant worship in St. George’s in the East; namely, the tearing up scats, destroying railings at lamps, and sending Bibles and Prayer-books flying about the church, amid the shouts and yells of ticket-of-leave Luthers and Calvins from the House of Correction, and his Lordship wished to know whether the Government had any intention of dealing with this Revival. Lord Granville thought the demonstrations objectionable, but could not say what would be done, and a similarly satisfactory answer was obtained in the other House from the Home Secretary.
Guatemala is in Central America, and adjoins the British Honduras. It is an independent republic of the Roman Catholic persuasion. Lord Malmesbury thought, very properly, that it would be an extremely good thing to define the boundaries between ourselves and the Guatemalakites, for there is no knowing in these days when a squabble may arise. So not only do we pay the expenses of the survey, but those of the Survey for a road entirely in our neighbour’s territory. However, it is a small matter, and one in which a great neighbour, like England, can well afford to assist a small one. Lord John Russell explained this, but he did not say, possibly because he was not asked, why the Guatemala cigars are not better than they are. It is impossible to smoke above a dozen or so of them in the evening without getting a headache.
Mr. Edwin James asked Lord Palmerston why a new Chief Commissioner of Works was not appointed. The Premier said he intended to appoint one directly, meantime the ex-officio Commissioners were competent to do anything necessary. In that case, what was the use of filling up the office? Lord Palmerston has ordered back the shrubs and flowers in the Park were grubbed up last year in a way that nearly produced a revolution, and has made his step-son, Mr. Cowper, the Chief Commissioner.
The Home Secretary introduced the meekest of all conceivable bills for reforming the City of London Corporation. It does not touch a single point that people care about, the coal duties, the metage dues, or the other civic extortions, and simply deals with the constitution of the corporation, as if any reasonable person knew or cared whether a Sword-bearer elected an Alderman, or a Remembrancer elected a Beadle, or Gog elected Magog, or the reverse. The whole Corporation is a Sham. Where were the bloated Fathers of the City when they allowed the Gas Companies to consolidate, and get it into their power, if they took offence, to turn out all out lights, like a sulky water in a billiard-room, or to send us like naughty boys to bed in the dark. If the wretched Aldermen had stood forward, and tried to protect London against such a clique, they might have done some good. As it is, we earnestly hope that the gas may all be turned off in the Mansion House some night, with an awful smell, just as they are getting into their second help of turtle. The House scoffed at the Bill, let it come in, and then applied itself with more gusto to a personal row about the last election jobbing connected with the mail-packet service. A committee on the subject had been appointed last year, and Sir H. Willoughby, one of the members, bore testimony to the fact, that it had paid attention to the squabbles only, and not the least to the public interests.
Tuesday. The Shipping Interest bewailed and bemoaned itself, through Mr. Lindsay and some others, and demanded a Committee to inquire into its afflictions. Milner Gibson, for Government, did not see that it had much to howl about, but granted the request. If there was a Committee to inquire into the grievances of emigrants and others who go out in the ships of the Shipping Interest, and who are exposed to insult from the officers, outrages from the sailors, neglect by drunken or ignorant surgeons, and bad and insufficient food from the cooks, there would be a pleasant story to tell of a good many of the vessels whereby these bleating shipowners make their fortunes. Mr. Mellor brought in a bill for trying what the criminal law would do upon bribers and bribed. The House laughed, but had not the indecorum to refuse to admit the measure.
Wednesday. Mr. M’Mahon moved the second reading of a Bill for giving an Appeal in Criminal Cases. The Home Secretary, who is the Appeal, opposed the measure, as unnecessary, as objected to by the highest legal authority, as calculated to diminish a juror’s feeling of responsibility, and as interfering with the execution of justice. He was supported by several speakers competent to give an opinion, and the Bill was rejected. It is noteworthy that, at these Wednesday sittings, when Members assemble in the daylight, and talk before dinner, the most rational and thoughtful speeches are made, and the House becomes really a deliberative council.
Thursday. Lord St. Leonards, in a confidential whisper, explained to Lords Brougham and Campbell the provisions of a Real Property Bill, and they declared themselves delighted. When the secter of the character of the Bill is revealed, Lord Punch will be happy to add his opinion to that of his two noble and learned brethren.
Mr. Disraeli demanded of Lord John Russell what was going on about Savoy. Lord John stated that Lord Cowley had told the French Government that we should disapprove Savoy’s being grabbed by our friend L. N. Mr. Wise then made a very impertinent motion. He asked for a Committee that should be a sort of Audit Office (only not useless as a check, like the Audit Office opposite the Edinburgh Castle), and see, annually, how the Government had really applied the money they had taken on account of the Miscellaneous Estimates. Naturally, the Government resented this; but th House did not think the proposal by any means an absurd one, and voted the Committee by 121 to 93. Evidently the age is losing all its good manners. To think of asking Lords and Honourable Gentlemen whether they have applied the people’s money for the purposes for which it was given! We wonder some of the eminent Swells did not resign, rather than take salary from such vulgarians as their paymasters.
Beverley is so abominably corrupt a place, that the gentleman who was defeated there last week declared he was afraid to petition against his victorious Conservative antagonist, for fear that the town should be disfranchised. Therefore the prosecuting who unlucky Liberals, for bribing for their man at the preceding election, does not seem likely to do much in the way of purification, but it can do no particular harm, and was directed this evening.
Mr. Hubbard introduced so reasonable a Bill on the subject of Church Rates, that it would be unreasonable to expect it to pass. Any person signing a declaration that he is not a Member of the Church is to be exempt from church-rates, and church affairs are of course to be managed only by those who pay. And a committee was appointed to inquire into the mode of making anchors and chain cables for the Merchant Service; a very right thing; for it seems that Commerce supplies our ships with bad metal, and then when the storm and stress come, miserable catastrophes occur, all that Commerce may carry extra profit to her account. To Sir James Elphinstone belongs the credit of demanding this investigation, and having been a sea-captain he knew what he was talking about.
Friday. Who says that the Peers of England are not affable? They condescended to receive a petition from a law-stationer in Chancery Lane, who complains that the Holborn end of that evil thoroughfare is so narrow that traffic is impeded, and cabmen are quarrelling there all day. As Lawyer Lane is W. C. (remember it by Wicked Cheats) we suppose the City Corporation have nothing to do with it, or we might have recommended that some of the plunder the greedy Fathers of the City cellar, by letting St. Paul’s be blocked up by new warehouses, should be applied to doing away with so much of the nuisance of Chancery Lane as is of an inorganic kind. However, we do not see very much in the grievance, because any impediment to the usual run of professional business in Chancery Lane must be a benefit to society generally.
Lord Palmerston made a pleasant little joke when explaining all about the Great Shrub and Flower in the Park Question. He said it had been alleged that the despoiled part was to be made a nursery. In one sense it was true, “for a nursery was a place full of children.” The mammas in the Lady’s Cage laughed our delightfully at such wit, and as Punch is notoriously the only printed reading for which Lord P. has time, the latter will perceive with gratitude that his friend and Mentor has embalmed the epigram. Lord John Russell answered Serjeant Eothen that he had no call to be alarmed at French military or naval preparations, and Sir G. C. Lewis stated that the laws of Jersey were being inquired into, with a view to the civilisation of that island at some future time. Is anybody wants to know what a Petition of Right is, Mr. Punch apprises him that inasmuch as the Queen is our Sovereign Lady and Mistress and Supreme Head and Governess’ if wrong has been done to any of us in her name, we do not sue her as if she were our equal, but by a more respectful process, in short by asking her leave to have the matter inquired into. The Queen replies, “Let Right, and not my subject, be Done.” Mr. Bovill is passing a meritorious Bill for simplifying the proceedings. Mr. Bouverie growled at the number of speeches that had been made that evening, and the Viscount of Lambeth growled at Mr. E. Bouverie. Sir Richard Bethell was unfortunately ill, so the Bankruptcy Reform was postponed. And now for the Budget and Reform, unless Ministers break up on the question of the Emperor Napoleon’s European policy, on which it is said they are quarreling like fun, four against ten, but then three of those four (L. N.’s friends), the three best men in the Cabinet, P—n, R—ll, and G—e. Qui vivra verra, but it is a great bore to have changes just as one has got a nice new Dod.
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