DEFINITIONS OF THE DAY.

BY AN IRISH CITIEEN OF THE WORLD.

The Submarine Telegraph to India.- An undersea branch of the overland route.

The Worst Road out of the San Juan Difficulty.- An expedition to Kill (H)arney.

The Real Isthmus of Suez.- An Irish pig-steamer.

A CHRISTMAS-BOX FOR LITTLE BOYS.

Why is the English Grammar like the gout?

Because it’s taught yer (torture).

The True Art of Correspondence.- Whatever is, is write.

“Let the fancy pass,” as the Manager of the South-Western Railway said of a special train loaded with prize-fighters.

Consuming the Midnight “Hoyle.”- Playing at cards after midnight.

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The best Yule Clog.- Invite a notorious wet-blanket to your Christmas Dinner.

The Golden Number.- The Three Balls that hang over a pawn-broker’s shop.

Brandy-and-Water by Degrees.- Brandy-and-Water. Bran-Water. Bramwater. Bramwarra. Bramwar. Bremwar. Bamwr-wrr-rr. Brr-eughph!

Remark on Dress.- If a hat is a tile, straw-bonnets are thatch.

How to Weed your Acquaintances.- To carry no cigar-box yourself, but to levy contributions on the cigar boxes of those who do.

Life a Riddle.- Yes, Man is indeed a Riddle, for no one can tell whether he is good or bad, until he’s found out.

Hint on House Cleaning.- Engage a charwoman who is habitually “all mops and brooms.”

John Bull’s Apostrophe to all Comers.- Want to rifle the sweets of this hive, do you? I’ll rifle ye!

One of the Wonders of the World.- An observer from New England, having made the tour of the Continent, has remarked that the celebrated Leaning Tower of Pisa “slopes off” without moving.

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