PRACTICAL WISDOM.
Whenever you see exposed for sale any article that strikes your fancy, buy it if you can afford it, whether you want it or not. If you wait till you actually want a certain thing, you will find that the exact thing you want is not to be found. You will search in vain at a hundred clothes-shops for the particular kind of trousers that you once saw in a window.
Astronomical.- A telescope is said to have been invented somewhere in Germany, which not only proves that the Moon is made of green cheese, but also enables the observer to distinguish the mites.
Before and After.- A Henpecked Husband writes: “Before marriage I fancied wedded life would be all sunshine; but afterwards I found out that it was all moonshine.”
The Language of Birds.- The sparrow is a constant example of early rising and a preacher of economy. As soon as it is light you bear him hopping up and down it the rain-water spout, crying, “Cheap, cheap!”
Advantage of Appearances.- Whatever may be your circumstances- dress well. You will thus render yourself an ornament to Society, and at all events be a credit to your tailor.
Vegetable Blubber.- The tears of the weeping willow.
Political life.- Its appointments are few far between, as measured by its Disappointments.
Cockney Classics,- “Jack,” said Robins, “which varsity would you rayther go to, Hoxford or ‘Idelberg?”
“Hoxford, Jemmy, to be sure, you muff,” answered Robbins. “ ‘Cos vy, I prefers hindustry to hidleness.”
Botany and Entomology.- Creepers do much better on walls than in beds.
QUEER QUERIES.
In what light can a betting-man be viewed as a lay figure?
It is legal for a blind man to sue upon a bill trade payable at sight!
When the morning breaks, is it expected to appear in the Bankruptcy Court!
A New Trick.- “Does your Watch Go, and is it a Repeater?” is the title of a new conjuring trick. The watch that does not go is a repeater; for whenever you consult it, it always tells you the same time.
Joking under Difficulties.- Writing with tremendous chilblains on your fingers.
Patriotism.- A Hampshire agriculturist remarked after dinner that “Swedes was the only vorreners as he hoped ever to see planted on English soil.”
Economy in Dress.- Never buy embroidered braces that are dearer then plain ones. Tis blind vanity to sport invisible ornament.
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