Inconsistency of Mankind.- “Men,” kind a merry old lady, “when I was young, called me an enchantress, and now they say I am as ugly as a with, when I have lost my charms. Ah, drat’em!”
The sphere of the Stable.- Roguery is a common complaint against men who are much associated with horses. Ossy men seem dead as to their moral feelings. No doubt their hearts are ossified.
A shameless Brute.- An epicure declared that a pig’s cheek was great. His friend, assenting, remarked that the pig never blushes.
Parallel by an Illiterate Person.- Orthography is my spelling; heterography is another man’s spelling.
The Flight of Genius – Too frequently, this flight is the Attic.
A Government Office.- A bundle of sticks bound together by Red Tape.
Golden Advice.- Persons about to marry should look to their finances before they take fatal leap. With fathers of small means and increasingly large families, it is generally easier to find appetites than dinners. A bridal often tends to saddle a man with debts; and unless he makes a bolt of it, he may find himself are long without a bit in his mouth.
The Queen’s Omnibus- Mr.Carlyle has happily called the fraudulent and felonious part of the population, or rogues and thieves, “The Devil’s Regiment of the line.” The post of honour due to that distinguished corps is the Van.
How to get Cucumbers out of Sunbeams.- Turn photographer, and then, if Fortune smiles upon you, you can purchase as many cucumbers as you please.
Etymological Recreation.- Charwoman. So called from a state of hands and face occasioned by habitual contact, unsucceeded by ablution, with smut, cinders, and other forms of carbonaceous matter, or charcoal.
Logic and Liquor.- Perhaps the strongest argument which the advocates of the Maine Law have for trying to get it enacted here, is the allegation that spirits are injurious to the British Constitution.
The Wreath and the Wearer.- An artificial florist describes himself as “Head Gardener to the Ladies.”
Homeopathy.- Like cures like. Sulphur comes from Vesuvius. Therefore it is good for eruptions.
Etiquette a la Romaine.- Upon the principle that one must do at Rome as Rome does, is one expected to put three hats upon his head, because the Pope wears three crowns?
A Delicate Proposal.- A civic youth, intending to offer marriage to a young lady, wrote to ask her to unite with himself in the formation of a’Art Union.
Facility in Bookkeeping.- To keep books appears to be an easy matter with most people; the difficulty with the majority of those who borrow books consists in returning them.
Homeopathy in the Larder.- To cure bacon. Rub in as much butter as will lie on the point of a pin- and smoke.
Ichthyology.- Whitebait, inspite of their minute dimensions, are decided by the most scientific epicures to be no small fry.
Retrieving One’s Position.- A fast undergraduate immediately on having been plucked gets driven to the station and takes a first class.
Economy with Perfume.- A domestic recipe to renovate black crape says that, “Skim milk-and-water with a little bit of glue in it, made scalding hot, will restore old rusty black Italian crape.” You cannot think how nice it smells!
Divorce.- A Matrimonial Ticket-of-leave.
The Sentence of a Wise Magistrate.- Always speak of a man as you fined him.
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